You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
