I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
