You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How naked do you want me to be?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
