my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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