Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
