my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
