I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
