I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
