He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
