that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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