Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize