How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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