I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
