My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
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I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Holy sore nipples Batman
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We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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