there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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