babies were throwing up all over the place
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
