My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
