so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
