I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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