we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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