im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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