Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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