Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she smelled like a LAN party
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
