Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sober January is a disaster.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
