just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
