1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
