I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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