I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
