So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
