Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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