I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
