I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
