My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
