seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
