So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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