..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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