how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You pole danced in your parka.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
