I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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