i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
