You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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