i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
