My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
