I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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