Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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