ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize