i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
