I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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