we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You are the jesus of drinking
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
