My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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