im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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