we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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