I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
