so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
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I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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