I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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