i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
