I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
