I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
