This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
