Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
