we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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