The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
