I faked an abortion last night.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
