Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
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i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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